on the outside

There's something strange that happens to you when you're in a hospital locked up for several days. It's this strange sensation when you get 'out.'like being let out of prison. At first, I didn't know what to do. I was like, "Oh yeah. This is what my life was all about." I don't recommend hospitalization if you can avoid it, but the flip side of it is that this hospital stay made me completely STOP my life for several days and just BE. Be alone with my baby. Be alone with my thoughts. Be alone, shut away from traffic, from radio, from noise, from my hectic life, schedule, and my 'to do' list. And just BE alone with the three things most important in my life. God, James, and Hannah.

It was therapeutic.
It was revolutionary in my future approach to life.

Here's the deal. Being AWAY from things made me see how insignificant most things are. It made me see that I can live without a LOT of things that are in my life. Mostly by default, but some of these things make my life more stressful. Street signs blaring advertisements, resteraunt logos enticing you to their establishment. Cars going going going. Hussle and bustle and worry and care that are mostly man made and self-inflicted. Going to the hospital and being trapped there for several days made me acutely aware of how much time I waste on things that don't matter. It also made me see that so much will continue to go on, whether I am here or not.

One thing I know is this. The point to life is not to fill our time with things to DO. Going here and there and rushing around doing our life is not the point. That's the punk's innocent distractions.

This week, I learned to cling to the Lord. I had to. I was worried about Hannah and felt completely helpless because there was nothing I could do. The one thing I could do was to pray and cry out to God like David did.

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.


Now that I'm back on the outside, I want to make my life more simple. Less confusion. Less busy-ness. There's more to it than just that. Everything else is filler.